Such Pain

2007-07-29T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am having to sit on the side lines watching my daughter going through hell just now.
It is at a particularly despairing time for her right now, with all she can think of is that
she does not want to go on.
It is breaking my heart as I dont have the ability to ease her pain. It is she and she only
that has to deal with her demons. To over-power them once and for all and only then will
she be able to try to go foward.
She is at home with me at the just now, but she will be leaving to go to her flat tomorrow.
She needs to go back to attend a doctor's appointment. She is scared that she will be sent
back to hospital, where she does not not want to go to, but on the other hand thinks that at
least she would be safe there.
I have offered to go back with her, or that she just comes straight back here, but she has
other appointments on Wednesday and Thursday that she is supposed to attend. She has been
staying with me for most of the time, just going backwards and forwards to Edinburgh for about a year now.
I am at my wits end with worry at her being on her own in her flat tomorrow and for the next 3 nights. It is planned that she comes back to stay with me on Thursday after her appointment, so that we can do our voluntary work with the Scottish Wildlife Trust on Friday morning.
I am just heartbroken for the pain my daughter is in, terrified that she harms herself when she is on her own, and feels so utterly useless to know what to do for the best and what is in fact the right thing to do. Being Sunday everything is closed.
I too am in torment as I dont know what to do.

Borderline Personality Disorder !

2007-07-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

I am on a very steep learning curve !

I have been told by my daughter that she has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
I have so many mixed emotions, but I know no-where near as many as she has.
I am very close to her, and I am feeling so guilty that I did not realise that there was something
wrong. It causes me great pain that she has been battling on her own, until she could not take
it any longer.
Fortunately, she admitted herself into hospital a couple of months ago,
and this is when the full enormity of her illness hit me.
Everything came to a head last year when her father died, this event being the very last straw for her.

It took her Doctor and specialists 5 months to finally diagnose her illness. This in a way was a help to her, as she now had a label as to what was wrong with her. She gave me a book to read up on it, but I found it difficult to read, understand or think it was in any way explaining my daughter's illness to me that I could understand. So I sort of put the book aside ! As if I was
putting the illness to one side, she did not have it, it could not be happening to my beloved daughter, whom I have adored since her birth.
However I have tried to face up to it and do everything I can to help her in any way I can.
I felt sure there would be a Carer's Support Group in a town near where I lived, but to my dismay there is nothing at all. General Mental Illness yes , but not just to do with BPD.

My Doctor has found someone I can go to everynow and again to chat to, and I have found her to be a great help to me. She has pointed me in the right direction a few times, and she is
arranging for me to meet up with somebody at the end of August, which I am really looking forward to. However she lives far away from me.
However in the mean time I was wondered if I could get any feed back or support from the Great World Wide Web?
Anyone in the same boat as me? Anyone want to share their load? Anyone need a shoulder to cry on? Anyone have the need to talk to someone?

BPD - Coping & Caring

Such Pain

Borderline Personality Disorder !